The Year of Me.

Changing. Finding. Creating. Expressing. Authenticity. Peace.

These are words I am holding near to me as the new year sets sail.

I don’t subscribe to the ‘new year, new me’ proclamations. There is nothing new to be found in me. I am moving more toward unearthing, discovering, becoming.

The last few years have been a mash up of trying too hard, trying too little, over-consumption, impulsivity, lacking, confusion.. The list goes on.

The life I envisioned for myself at 32 looks nothing close to the one I am living. And I don’t mean that in a glorified expectations kind of way. There was so much I wanted to be and experience by now, and I have fallen short of the mark.

But it’s never too late.

The other night I was struck by this feeling of wanting to grow into myself, truly be at peace in my own skin and in the world around me. You see, I have never felt like home to me. Instead I went in search of it in the wrong people, the wrong jobs, and the wrong emotions.

I don’t want to be at war with myself any longer.

I want to be more than this body, this skin, my disorder, my job, my past. I want to come home to myself, feel at peace with myself, be better to those around me, and be better in this world.

And so I have declared it, this is the Year of Me.

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4 thoughts on “The Year of Me.

  1. When you said you never felt like home to me it struck accord with me. It makes you think how is your perception of yourself. I always see myself as imperfect always looking to improve.Those are feelings I have been carry all my life and they are hard to change.

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    • It is true that we are our own worst critics. If only we were able to recognize and focus on the better parts of ourselves other people see. It would reduce the amount of suffering we might do at our own hands. But being aware is important and it is the first step in working toward improving your mindset. Having compassion for yourself is necessary in life. It is something I am working on every day.

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  2. I think we are programmed from when we are little to be the best, that we go through our entire life losing site of who we are and what truly makes us happy. I think when you work for a Corporate company most of your life and you’re hard wired to think good enough is not good enough, always striving for perfection,it’s hard not to have that thought process affect your personally.

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    • I couldn’t agree more. So much of our lives – professional and personal – is spent trying to live up to the expectations of others. This causes a rift between the outside world and who we are at our core. If we brought up our children to value themselves and their voices I think we could change the world. It is hard to change a habit as you get older but not impossible! I think you really have to sit with and listen to yourself, breakdown all of the walls and facades, and connect with the true you.

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