An Open Apology to My Body.

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To my body, I am eternally sorry for all the ways in which I have mistreated you. I have bruised, battered, bloodied, abused, starved, and nearly destroyed you. I starved you in an effort to be pure again. I pushed you far beyond your limits. I broke you down.I took you for granted in the worst way.

I am sorry.

There was a time when I didn’t think I would be able to walk again. A time I believed my body would never function right again. I thought the damage was irreparable. When I could no longer lift your head I thought, “This is it. Do or die.”

And so, I did.

The last four years we have maintained a friendship running so hot and so cold. At times I believed in us. I nurtured you, fed you, touched you, softened to the idea of you. And then some days you were my worst enemy, defying every order I placed on you, not confirming to my idealistic beliefs of what a body should look like. You rebelled. I went crazy.

But the truth is I cannot walk through this life without you. I cannot do and I cannot be and I cannot rise without you. You are the only body I have been given, blessed with. We are together for life, the long or the short of it. We are a team we cannot escape.

And so dear body, I bow down to you. I raise my white flag and I choose now to honor you. Every curve, every lump, every freckle, every pound of you.

I choose to do right by you, to love you in times of darkness, to be your best friend, to encourage you to be your best and to live a life so full your heart can do no less than swell and explode.

Dear body, I have come home to you. You are mine to keep, to walk this earth with, to love with, to eat with, to laugh with, to experience all the pleasures and sorrows of life with.

I accept you. I belong to you. I love you.

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Soft.

I’ve stopped apologizing for all my soft. The most sensitive parts of me. The depth in my eyes. The warmth of my smile.

It’s ok to feel and to show it. It’s ok to give and get nothing in return.

It’s ok to hurt, and it’s ok to show it.

Vulnerability is a beautiful thing.

Pain is necessary for growth.

Take root in all that you are.