(written yesterday – Sunday, July 10th)
Today is my last at Brick Fitness, and I have to admit I feel far more happiness than sadness over this ending. My time here has considerably dropped over the last two months, but the decision to leave had been festering inside of me for months before. I kept talking about it and thinking about it, trying to figure out a way to make it work. Deep down I knew my heart was no longer in being here and it was time. It was beyond time.
Of course losing a source of income sucks, no matter how little it may be. It is one less thing to have to fall back on. A little bit of security has been tossed away. When I think of what I stand to gain, though, I’m soothed.
Having just a little more time to myself and to spend with my family is priceless. There is no amount of money worth missing out on quality time spent living and connecting. I have missed out on doing plenty because of my work schedule over the last two years, so to be free of the restriction feels great as well. It’s the cherry on top.
Saying goodbye to some of the regulars and my coworkers was a little sad but also heart warming. I have connected with so many wonderful, sweet, and inspiring women over the last two years. To know my time spent greeting and conversing with those lovely ladies has come to an end is absolutely tugging at my heart strings. They wished me so well and I know they meant it. I didn’t want to create a big fuss and advertise I would be leaving my post here behind the desk. But for those who knew and sent me off with such kind words, well wishes, and big love, I am so appreciative.
So tomorrow after job #1 I will simply go home to my family. And next weekend I will not have to set an alarm. And all will be well with the world. Life will roll on, and I will make it work. Whatever comes next will come eventually. In the meantime I am looking forward to just being.
At the start of this new year (and age) I told myself this would be the year I stopped resisting. It would be the year I went with the flow more, I discovered a little more of myself, I laid the hang ups to rest, and I learned to move on. I don’t necessarily feel any closer to having accomplished any of that and here we are nearly six and a half months in! I like to think making this decision has filled in one piece of the puzzle. I can check it off my list, and move onto the next.
My life has changed so drastically in the last month and a half. My priorities have shifted. My core has been shaken. My faith in humanity has been tested. My will to fight has most certainly been put to the test. But if there is one thing unshakable inside of me it is honoring my truth. Knowing when to listen to my intuition on matter how scary it may seem in the moment and how uncertain it may make the future. When it is time to act in accordance with my inner guidance I can’t ignore it. I have to act. And so I did.
I have made plenty of happy memories in this place (well, both locations!). We have had a storm of laughter together. We have spent cranky hours trying to lighten the mood in the middle of the night (gotta love Black Friday specials!). I put myself through schooling thanks to having the downtime during my shift to do homework. I made some wonderful friends. I learned a lot about myself, and about women and women connecting with other women. I’ve drank wine and margaritas on shift. I’ve seen some darling children come through the doors, and I have watched countless transformations in others. This place has given me so much more than a paycheck or a place to workout. It created a shift inside of me, one I didn’t realize outright until just now.
It will be sad to walk out that door one last time (with the key getting stuck thanks to the humidity I’m sure haha). But I am going home. I am going to create a little more space in my life for myself. I am giving myself exactly what I need in the here and now. And there is no greater gift to the self than that.