Who Am I?

I think there comes a time in nearly everyone’s life when they start to question “Who am I?” And not in a vague, superficial way. But really and truly “Who am I? What is my purpose here? Where do my passions lie? What am I contributing?

There may be a point where you’re so sure of where you’re at. You think to yourself this is it!, this is what I was put here for. Then sometimes that world collapses around you like a broken jigsaw puzzle, and although you scramble to put back the pieces in some semblance of what you once thought you knew to be true, your efforts are fruitless. The ideal you once believed in is gone. Blown away in a gust of wind. And there you stand, back at the beginning asking, “Who am I?

There have definitely been times in my life, in the past few years, when I felt so sure I was on the right path, that what I was doing was “it,” I was finally on my way. But life had other plans for me. Threw more than a few curveballs at me. Knocked me on my ass more times than I can count. And when I finally got up I was staring out into a void. Asking myself, “Who am I?

Sure, I could rattle off a list of who I might describe myself as: I am a daughter, an aunt, a sister, a friend, sometimes a lover, I am an office worker, I am blonde, I am a recovering anorexic, I am a book lover and an aspiring writer. But those are all merely ways in which to describe my human experience. Who am I really, as the observer?

I want to live my life rich with experience and moments, with joy, love, heartache, anger, and connection. I want each moment to pass through me, without clinging to it, in order to be able to remain present and alive.

Ultimately I want to rest my head at night knowing I gave back, that I did my best, that I was grateful for every minute and what it brought to me. I don’t want to live ego driven. I want to be lead by my heart and with pure intentions.

I’m just not sure how.

Where does this road begin?

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