What is Romance?

Maybe everything we think we know is wrong.

Maybe romance isn’t flowers and poetry. Maybe it isn’t surprises or grand gestures. It isn’t candlelit dinners, expensive jewelry, island getaways, or public proclamations. Maybe, just maybe, romance is laughter. Or nicknames. Or 10 minute visits before work, 3am texts from work, telling his family about you and wanting to know your last name. Maybe it’s him calling you the minute he heads home in the morning or wishing you happy birthday nearly a dozen times. Maybe it’s funny stories of the past or exchanging nothing but emoji conversations.

Maybe the beginning of a relationship doesn’t need to be so serious. Maybe we don’t have to have those deep conversations. We don’t have to question what is happening or how long it may last. We don’t have to compare notes about where we’ve been or where we are going. Maybe we don’t have to feel nauseating butterflies or fear meeting their family. We don’t have to worry about what we order for dinner or how we look first thing in the morning.

Maybe in order to build a future you have to be present. You have to be open to what is unfolding in front of you instead of trying to make the relationship hit every check point on your list. Imagine letting go and having fun, being surprised by each revelation; piecing together and building a foundation based on who you are now, not who you think you want to be, and certainly not who you think you want the other person to be.

Can a love like that be possible?

In the past I thought I had to have certain things figured out right off the bat. I thought those serious conversations were a must. I worried about the time we’d have together and would either of us be flexible or understanding enough when it came to restrictions. I would dwell on deal breakers, stubborn and unwilling to make exceptions. I was nervous about how we’d get along with each other’s families and friends. And what if he had no passions?!

As I age and gain more experiences, I feel as though I’m beginning to see relationships in a completely different light. They aren’t linear and don’t follow a pattern. They don’t follow your expectations either, no matter how low key they may be. Relationships aren’t like the movies or books or like other people portray online. And the best ones are often so unlike anything you could imagine. When we let go and let them take on a life of their own organically and without prejudice, we could very well create the deepest love we have ever known.

 

I never wanted to be set up with someone again. It hasn’t ever worked in my favor. And I was just barely open to the idea of even meeting someone or pursuing anything. I’d convinced myself that I was perfectly fine with my narrative of being single and being ok with that for the rest of my days. I would tell everyone ‘sure it’d be nice to meet someone and share experienced with them but…’ I’d repeated these ideas to myself so much and for so long that I actually believed them to be true!

Of course until I met him.

We aren’t anywhere yet other than at the start, so very fresh and new. Though already everything I thought I knew about the type of relationship I wanted has been completely dismantled. Maybe it’s age. Maybe it’s history. Maybe it’s a little bit of magic.

Whether this is or isn’t something beyond what it is now, I can already tell I am going to be forever grateful for the door that has been opened. For the widening of my eyes. For the tender touch upon my heart.

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