Conscious.

Not what you do, but how you do what you do determines whether you are fulfilling your destiny. And how you do what you do is determined by your state of consciousness.

Each year for the last several years I’ve chosen one area of my life to focus on bettering. With one word ‘theme’ to sum it up. This year I chose my spirituality and only now, in September, did the path reveal itself to me – Consciousness.

I’ve been exploring and working to strengthen my spirituality by various means over the years. I’ve had an on/off yoga practice. I’ve tried meditation and breathing exercises. I pray more. I have rituals I feel help guide and cleanse me. And although my spirituality has grown, I still feel as though it isn’t deeply rooted enough. I dip my toes in these different practices but I am not faithful enough or consistent enough to rise to the next level.

For the last few weeks I have been vowing to step up my game. Being in the field in which I work, using my body for healing and comfort, I’ve begun to deplete my own resources at a rapid rate. I’m exhausted all the time. Each week a different area of my body aches. My eating habits are all over the place. I drink too much on weekends to “de-stress.” And I don’t incorporate more movement than is necessary into my daily repertoire.

Then yesterday I hit a breaking point.

I’d fallen right back into living on autopilot. Caring more on some days than on others. Giving more on some days than on others. And where has that gotten me? Exhausted. Frustrated. Giving in. Distracted. And most importantly, not any closer to fulfillment.

Conscious: adjective
aware of one’s own existence, sensations, thoughts, surroundings, etc.

This is how I want plan to shift my awareness. Toward consciousness. Toward being mindful. Toward being aware in each moment, in each situation, in each relationship, in each interaction, during each meal, with every step and every breath, and with every single thought that crosses my mind.

I realize how this will happen shifts from day to day. And not every day will I live up to my own expectations. After all, I am human. Realizing this serves to enhance my consciousness. What is important is I am making my best effort and showing up, for myself and for others, each and every day,

In order to live in alignment with my true calling – serving others – I have to be sure I am serving myself first though. A concept I long felt to be selfish. However, I’ve come to understand the importance of taking care of my whole being before I can give to others. To do that I absolutely must be good to myself. Forgiving. Loving. Nurturing.

Today that came in the form of alone time, cooking a big delicious breakfast, drinking lots of coffee, doing a little yoga, and giving so much love to my little ones. Doing better today means I can be even better tomorrow. And tomorrow, who knows how I will rise to the occasion. Just as long as I do.

I used to believe I had to punish myself in order to get ahead. I had to workout hard, eat less, suffer more. It’s unfortunate there are many people who still follow those rules. However, I’m no longer one of them.

Sitting here on this sunny Monday morning, aware of my own existence, sensations, thoughts, and surroundings. Living consciously. I feel really good.

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